Anxiety...Dealing with it vs. being paralyzed by it
It feels like 15 little voices screaming in my head about all the things I could/should/am not doing. It feels like a pit of fear in my stomach even opening up my Facebook page. It feels like I'm endlessly behind and it also feels like guilt that I'm even having anxiety because I'm supposed to be this person who has her shit together.
And in my head I’m thinking.. WELL CHRISTIE, successful people don’t show weakness. So.. maybe you shouldn’t write about this. But I know that my audience knows and trusts me because I HAVE been so open, honest, and transparent about all of my journey.. even ugly shit.
SO ANYWAYS… Anxiety.
Logically, I can see it for what it is. It’s a product of my driven mind, which allows me to be doing one thing and thinking about several other things at the same time.
It’s something that has helped me become successful quickly in my business.. being able to think about and do so many things at once.
But it’s also my downfall, when I let it get the best of me. It’s kind of like… usually I keep those voices fairly quiet, even though they’re still there - but sometimes, especially when I’m trying to relax or enjoy myself on a vacation and I don’t have to focus on doing something in particular.. those voices with all the things I “should” do get really loud.
And for the most part, I don’t think I’ve ever really let myself recognize that I DO have anxiety. Like feelings of full on panic for no reason. I don’t like to acknowledge things I perceive to be weaknesses, because I think well if I acknowledge it, then it’ll be real.
Like legitimately guys - I had two nightmares that 1) My mom got mad at me for a $1250 cell phone bill … k my mom doesn’t pay for my phone bill lol and that's not actually a thing and 2) That this girl from my old fitness life forwarded me an email with a ton of haters on an email chain.
Which I think pretty much exemplifies what anxiety is… it’s the creation of worries/fears that quite literally aren’t real. They just feel real.. when we let them consume us.
But acknowledging it’s real means that I get to deal with it.
Instead of be paralyzed by it.
And I DO feel like I have been paralyzed for the last week or so.. like wanting to do so much for my biz, but also wanting to enjoy my vacation - and not knowing how to let go of either completely. Not knowing which I should do. So essentially not doing either very well.
So I’ve pretty much decided that since sitting around and journaling about my anxiety is only making me more anxious, THAT IDK, MAYBE I SHOULD LET THE FUCK GO AND GO HAVE SOME FUN.
I mean, I sent some messages to my VA.
I’m answering my clients.
Cleaning house and making sure what needs to get done TODAY gets done…
But after that? After this… in about an hour..
We’re going on a day trip to Salzburg, Austria.
Cause who knows… FUN JUST MIGHT BE THE ANSWER.
And my brother and I are gonna obnoxiously sing the Sound of Music songs and pretend we are Austrian composers and drink copious amounts of Augustiner beer and make some fricken memories.
So there. Take that, anxiety!
And for anyone else suffering from anxiety.. it’s fucking normal. In this business. You’re not alone. And honestly, I’ll probably have some degree of it regardless of how successful I become. I’m just getting better at figuring out how to manage it.