STOP Self-Sabotaging and Feel the FLOW

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#100daysofunfiltered

Day 4

I got a man arrested on my flight yesterday because he was taking pictures of sleeping women - harassing and berating the other passengers especially mothers and children - and was drunk the entire time while the flight attendants pacified him by giving him more alcohol instead of handling the situation. 

(Also was flying for 22 hours yesterday/why I skipped a day, whoopsies. Think ya'll held down the fort from what I can see lolol.)

That experience.. good God. It taught me a fucking lot about leadership - mostly in that people don’t stand up for themselves or others when it comes down to it.

AKA why I found police when I got off the plane and gave my statement. With my brother, and only one other passenger.. everyone else couldn’t be bothered.

SO IF YA WANNA KNOW THE MEANING OF WHY I STARTED UNFILTERED.. this is it.
Because too many times, people are afraid to speak out, because of what people might think, or because it might cause some discomfort. 

And I’m not about that shit.
Anyways.. I’ll do an entire post on that experience later today or tomorrow. #fightingcrimeerreday

BUT IN THE MEANTIME.. I was in total flow state on the plane and had this huge fucking epiphany watching I, Tonya.. which basically summarizes the very thing I’m trying to help my clients (and myself) do.. and the very thing my mentors help me do.

HERE WE GO:

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I, Tonya. One of the greatest fucking tragedies I have ever seen on film.

Not in that it was a bad film.. actually it was amazing. It was a tragedy in that the unreached potential of this driven, slightly crazy, totally genius woman was never fucking reached.

GAHHHHHHH.

And OF COURSE, it reminded me of the journey - that myself, that you.. that we are going through.

The journey of a driven woman, attempting to achieve constant flow.
^BEFORE YOU WRITE THIS POST OFF AS TOTAL WOO WOO SHIT.. you’ll wanna read on because I think I just had one of the biggest epiphanies of my life. (You know like that moment when all the crazy high level shit your mentors tell you all seems to align and you just GET IT.. Yeah.)

OK.

Tonya. 

Grew up a redneck, with a total tiger mom but she was white, lolz - who forced her to ice skate. She started winning shit at the age of FOUR - a child prodigy, brought up in a trailer. Her mom saw it. Her coaches saw it.

But all she saw was the love of the ice. And the feeling of just being fucking elated and invincible and on fire .. a feeling where she didn’t need to know how, didn’t need to think about where the blade would land when she hit the first triple axel in women’s ice skating history.. she just did. It flowed. 

Her father left her. Her mother abused her. Hit her. Even knifed her. Verbally abused her under the guise of love - thinking that THAT was the only way Tonya would perform best. (And she did perform insanely well under pressure - her mom even paid a guy to heckle her once to the point of fury, and of course, that’s where she landed her triple axel.)

She met a guy. Again, abuser. Manipulator. 
See a trend?

She began to believe that she couldn’t live without him.
She began to self sabotage. 
Drinking. Eating too much. Smoking too much.

And ruined her next chance at a title because of her sabotage.
Got her shit together.
Left the man.

FUCKING ACING EVERYTHING. WINNING EVERYTHING. TOTAL. FLOW. STATE.
It was that little girl with the love of the ice who came back and just fucking dominated, not even thinking twice about it - doing it simply because she wanted to and loved it and couldn’t possibly think of doing anything else.

And of course, again.
Sabotage.
She takes him back and believes she can’t get to the Olympics without him because the judge told her she needs to represent wholesome family values and that she’s too trashy - and that her routines to Metallica are not appropriate. Fuck that.

OK SO SHE TAKES SAID GUY BACK.
AND SABOTAGE.

The guy fucking hires his idiot best friend to send some death threat letters to her competition which Tonya goes along with - except the idiot best friend decides instead, secretly, to get the competition mauled instead and hires someone to knife the girl IN THE KNEE.

And of course.
Tonya.
Gets blamed.
Gets BANNED from ice skating forever.
Hundreds of thousands in fines.
Probation.

……………… and it’s the total fucking pattern. Of myself. Of most of most of my clients. Of probably most of you reading this. 

Probably minus the knee knifing thing though.

LET ME KNOW IF YOU SEE IT TOO:

1. Girl learns from a young age she isn’t enough/loved/people leave her/she can’t trust herself.
2. Girl learns that she must be fucking afraid always of being abandoned and alone. Said girl develops chip on her shoulder, gets pissed at the world, and decides to prove everybody the fuck wrong.
3. Girl decides what she wants and goes after it with a fucking hungry vengeance. Hecklers, trolls, haters, doubters - they just fuel her fire and she becomes addicted to the results and wins that she gets when she’s motivated by fear and hate and anger.
4. Girl decides that despite knowing that she’s gone through some fucking horrible shit, and has SERIOUS self worth and esteem issues that PROBS, SHE SHOULD GO TO THERAPY FOR.. she’s too addicted to the win. To the crowds cheering. She’s thirsty for approval of others.. mostly because, she never learned how to give approval to herself. And is too busy winning shit to try.
5. Soon, said success and wins catch up to her. She’s hot shit and she knows it. She’s basking in the glory of her (EASY as fuck) wins. For her, skating (for you - winning shit/making money/winning fitness comps/whatever) .. it’s like second nature. She doesn’t have to think about it and she stands out more than anyone else and gets what she wants. 
6. UNFORTUNATELY, said girl’s subconscious realizes that her outer successes and wins don’t match the shame and hatred she feels on the inside. The feeling that something is wrong with her. That she is unloveable. That she deserves to be hit. And so - she brings her outer reality of success down to meet the reality of her inner world.

And so in Tonya’s case.. she’d hit success, sabotage the fuck out of herself by bringing her abuser back into her life, by picking up habits that hurt her chances of getting the result she wanted AKA DOMINATING THE OLYMPICS AND PROVING HER HATERS WRONG AND PROVING THAT SHE WAS WORTHY..

Except her sabotage doomed her.
Because when homeboy decided to get Tonya’s competition knifed, and Tonya was banned from skating forever…

The only thing that ever made her feel good and alive - skating - was gone.
Her FLOW.. the thing she could do with her eyes closed.
And she had never learned to translate that into her real life.

If ONLY.. she had seen that her identity WASN’T skating itself. Or winning itself. Or proving others wrong. Or being an abused woman. A redneck. Trash. The underdog. All the things she was labeled with.

Her identity was that of a driven as hell woman who had the ability to make life anything she wanted it to be.

But she never got to learn that she could find worthiness in herself. She never got to SEE that her ability to succeed in skating wasn’t because she won the skating gene lottery.. it’s cause she was driven. At her core.

She never got to learn that if she learned to motivate herself not by her fear and hate and anger.. that there was ANOTHER WAY of winning shit.

It was by replicating the pure ecstasy of being on the ice.. being in FLOW.. doing something simply for the sake of doing it because you love it.. that could have made her life amazing.

And it’s the same thing with online business.

Except most driven women never realize satisfaction, joy, and that awesome as fuck feeling when you make a sale or win something.. that THAT FLOW STATE.. that place you were in when you created those results.. well you can recreate that in all areas of your life.

And most women don’t think to look within at the experiences in their life that taught them that they weren’t good enough. That they couldn’t trust themselves. And to look kindly at those experiences and choose to rewrite them (so ya don’t go back to your abuser/bad influence husband like Tonya did over and over which ultimately killed her career. ugh.).

And when you do both those things - the obsession with money goals and certain income months fall away.

The need to prove yourself falls away - along with your insecurities and other bullshit.
YOUR SELF. SABOTAGE. FALLS. AWAY.

Because you’re finally good enough.

AND THE RESULTS COME.
Not because they mean anything about how good you are.
But simply because you’re doing shit you like, all the time, and happening to get paid for it. 
And you’re finally letting yourself.

JESUS.
I feel like my entire experience on this online business journey just got summarized in a post.

…… And this is why.
I pay my mentors.
The big fucking dollars.

Because they help me live life on THAT LEVEL.
Thank God.

And now it’s my turn.
Because this is my purpose.

To help Driven women not turn into Tonya Hardings.
Just kidding, but seriously - to help Driven women stop sabotaging and be really fucking rapidly successful just because they can, it’s fun, and they love what they do and themselves.

THE end.

<3

Christie Bailey