WHEN YOU NEVER FEEL GOOD ENOUGH.. even after achieving your highest month ever/goal/win.

Copy of When Resistance to Launch Kicks You in the Face.png

#100daysofunfiltered

Day 8

>> WHEN YOU NEVER FEEL GOOD ENOUGH.. even after achieving your highest month ever/goal/win. <<

Last night, as we were getting into bed - my boyfriend could tell I was in a funky mood and asked me what was wrong.

I started crying, tears rolling down the sides of my face…

“I don’t feel like I’m good enough.”

“But why?! It took me 40 years to get to the income you’re at and you did it in 6 months!?”

“I don’t know. I just don’t. It never feels like enough.”

…….

and so is the curse of the driven woman.

When I first started my business, I was driven entirely by fear.

> I wanted to prove to my old coworkers that I could be successful. 

> I wanted to prove them wrong, my friends wrong, my family wrong - all the people who thought I couldn’t make it work.

> I wanted to be loved and liked, mostly because I didn’t love or like myself - which resulted in obsessively growing my fitness Instagram and getting sponsorships. That didn’t really work either, lol.

> I wanted to finally stop struggling with money. The money fears were legit in those days - because I really wasn’t earning any the first 7-8 months after I quit my job.

And when my business coaching business started.. I was still driven by fear.

> I wanted to prove to the fitness industry that they were wrong for trolling me.

> I wanted to prove to myself that I was worthy by earning buttloads of cash.

> I wanted to prove to myself that I was loved and worthy - and I believed that if I had more people in my audience, and if I had more things that people thought were cool like first class flights and fancy cars and a fancy purse.. that I would finally love and trust myself.

Which is actually what I was looking for all along. I just had no idea what that looked like or felt like cause I probably hadn’t felt that way since I was a child.

And now… well. I’m in a huge transition.

I’m learning that being driven by fear only gets you SO far.

It’s like a ceiling you hit when it comes to success - because proving others wrong and being driven by fear inherently means that deep down you still don’t feel like enough, you still don’t feel worthy - … and when you can’t do that, then your success will only go so high as the inner worth you allow yourself to access.

And if your inner worth is shit, then every time you allow yourself to be successful you’ll sabotage the fuck out of yourself.

So I’m learning.

To access worthiness in myself at all times - and to REMEMBER (God it seems like I learn this lesson over and over) - that worthiness doesn’t happen outside of me in what I achieve, it happens within me.

But occasionally, I drop out of that place of worthiness.

Because to me it’s terrifying to think that my success, if I choose to pursue it from a stable place of consistently feeling worthy, of just being driven to achieve things because I CAN.. is INFINITE. It’s limitless. It’s me being a billionaire. It’s me having an empire that I love that I create MY way. It’s me having a family and home I adore. A life lived fully and happily.

As humans, we crave fear. WE ARE BIOLOGICALLY WIRED TO BE AFRAID.. because we are animals - animals hunt, and get hunted. 

So I’m learning to circumvent that tendency to be fearful. To achieve out of a place of fear. I know it’s not sustainable. I know I don’t wanna fucking live my life this way.

But then I think, holy fuck. If I scaled my business to almost $300k in like, 7 months - then what is possible if I do it out of a place of love? Is that even possible?

It seems unfathomable because fear is the only thing I’ve ever known until this point. I’m scared and nervous - am I even ready for success at an even HIGHER level?! I’m not sure. Will I mentally and emotionally be able to handle that? Can I even manage that money? (Yes I know super money mindset block going on here.)

And I’m so scared of getting on that rocket ship that I know is success and achievement out of a place of worthiness. And that’s why I drop back into fear and doubt and never good enough.

So… answers? 
Don’t really have em.
Yet.

But the one thing I know for sure is that it’s my choice..
to be driven from that place of fear and deep rooted inadequacy..

or to be driven from a place of self-love and obsession with getting better daily.

I choose greatness.
I choose my results.
I choose if I step up.
I choose if I get help.
I choose to take the risk.
I choose to drop back into fear, or back to faith.

Today - proclaiming to the freakin WORLD…

I choose faith.
I choose self-love again.
I choose to be driven for success simply because I am a woman who can have whatever the fuck I want when I put my mind to it and I know this - i’ve proved it over and over.

This is who I am and that will never change.
You cannot tell me to slow down.
You cannot tell me to take a break.
You cannot tell me to implement your stupid funnel system.
You cannot tell me that I need rest.

I know what I’m destined for and today I choose it.

And tomorrow, when fear comes back to kick me in the face too..

I’ll choose it again.
And again.
And always forgive myself and be kind to myself..

Because I am a human, and sometimes I get scared, and that’s got nothing to do with me and how worthy I am - it’s simply my biological tendency. We get to choose which way we go.

----------------

PS. Who here is needing help creating a group program or 1:1 ?!

Shoot me a message cause I'm doing a low cost private workshop this weekend to help you plan everything out

<3

More details to come later today / will hop and and do a live to chat about it.

 

Christie Bailey