How to Own Your Aggressive Side

OWN. YOUR. AGGRESSIVE. SIDE. (1).png

 

>> OWN. YOUR. AGGRESSIVE. SIDE. <<

A well-known fitness influencer that I used to be “friends” with recently told one of my clients that she thought what I was doing was wrong, “Charging 10k for fitness coaching.”

Ok first of all, fuck you.

Obviously, second of all, I’m not a fitness coach. Lol.

Thirdly, it highlights the cold hard truth.

> There are people out there who believe charging for coaching, let alone high ticket prices, is wrong.

> There are people out there who think that my style online is offensive. #idgaf

> There are people out there who think anyone who does online stuff is in an MLM cult and is bad and sleazy and whatever.

> There are people out there who think blahblahblahblahblah I don’t even give a fuck.

Like seriously - I’ve gotten used to the fact that people will not like me. And don’t like me. Or what I do. 

Because success, happiness, and people who are moving in their own lane and truly not giving a fuck what others think…

Well that’s a mirror for insecure people. It reflects EVERYTHING they don’t have. Everything they desperately want to be, but are not.

When people like this fitness influencer, who are SO uncomfortable in being their true selves.. when people like her see someone GOING FOR IT.. fully embracing themselves, and their dreams, and not caring what others think… well that completely challenges her worldview of “do as others do, think as others think, head down, fit in, be accepted!!!”

My client was understandably upset when someone she looked up to essentially told her that what she was doing was wrong. My client saw for the first time the price she was going to have to pay in order to build her business HER way..

>> And that price to pay is the fact that people will get triggered by your success. By you being fully you. By you standing up as a leader. And obviously, people get triggered as fck around money and there are a thousand money mindset lessons I could teach from this one little comment - maybe a post for another time - but this post… it’s about feeling. All. the. ANGER. <<

Your light is shining so fucking bright that not only are you a mirror.. but you’re BLINDING them. And so they’ll retaliate by telling you, “You’re a bad, sleazy person for charging so much for xyz kind of coaching. If you really cared about helping people you wouldn’t be charging that much.”

And you might feel that pang of fear in your chest. The fear that you’ll be unliked. That maybe you are a bad person. Maybe you should stop this online business success thing. You know you're capable of it, destined for it.. that it's GOING to happen... which is probably why you're so god damn scared of going ALL IN for it.. cause you know the price to pay is people not liking you or approving of what you do. And you just haven't fully decided it's worth that yet.

You’re triggering people on your way to success and your dream life. These people who have made no effort to look inside at themselves.. and see where this negativity comes from.

It comes from their own beliefs about money, about success, and namely - how they have DEEP rooted self worth issues. These self worth issues also manifest in keeping people like this woman small - blending in with the crowd. And trying to make everyone else around her small.

I can say for sure, that this fitness influencer, is one of those people.

In fact I remember my conversations with her quite well.

Because in almost every single one, she was saying negative, rude things about basically anyone who wasn’t in the room. She was that kind of person who would be nice to you when you were alone with her, but as soon as someone she thought was “cooler” walked into the room - she’d treat you like dirt.

So was I surprised that she said this to my client? Nope. :)

And honestly, I’m at the point where I don’t give a damn who says what about me because quite literally - I love my life and who I am and my business so fucking much. Blinders on, in my lane - anything happening outside of that is not what I think about. I curate my thoughts carefully.

At this point in this post… well if I were being a good little online coach and not wanting to offend anyone.. I’d somehow tie in a really nice quote about not letting others dim your light and shit.

BUT ACTUALLY.
I’M FUCKING PISSED.

NOT FOR ME.
But for my client.
Because I am LOYAL to a fucking T, and if someone fucks with my client babies, then you will literally see fire raging in my eyes.

And there’s fire.
Like I want to text her that she’s a huge cunt.

Ok.
There, I said it.

In fact I composed an entire message to her that went as follows:

Hi ______ - I heard you ran into a client of mine recently and had some words to say about me. I personally don’t care if you have negative things to say - in fact it doesn’t surprise me, given that in almost every conversation we had, you were gossiping about other people, which I chose not to pass on to them because frankly, I had better things to do with my time. But let me be very, very clear with you. I remember all of the shit you said about other influencers. And if you choose to try to tell my clients that what they’re trying to do, and the business they’re trying to build, is wrong, when you literally know zero about them, then I might just happen to mention to all of those influencers what you said about them. Influencers that I believe you’re friends with. :) Talk shit about me alllll you want, but you don’t interfere with my clients. Do you understand me?

………….

It felt really fucking good to write that.
In fact so good, that I realized I didn’t even need to send it to her, although I absolutely could.

Because well first of all, I don’t want to cause more stress to my client by saying this to this woman.

And second of all.. I’ve been watching a lot of Marvel’s Daredevil so perhaps that’s why that message was kind of threatening lmfao. And that’s not actually my style to threaten, but it felt good to write - so I probably would have edited that part out if I did want to send it.

Third of all… it was enough for me to own my dominant, aggressive side and truly feel into those feelings. It’s a side of myself that I haven’t let through in a long, long time. But any of my friends who have known me for a long time, they’ll tell you how often this used to come out. Like legitimately, I kicked a guy 3 times my size in the head in the 7th grade because he called me a nasty name. #whoops

I did not abide by anyone talking shit about anyone I care about. Or me. I’d stand up for myself, for those people, and I’d say what fuckin needed to be said.

But over the last few months, for some reason.. I let that fall away. It wasn’t until I was talking with my mentor about a different person who I also happened to call a cunt in that private conversation.. and I was like.. oh shit, should I not have said that? Does that mean I haven’t fully let go of what she did to me? 

And my mentor simply said… “Christie, you need to OWN your aggressive side.”

And she was right. Because that is a real part of me. And not owning all parts of me, is not owning my true self.

So yes - I do have an aggressive mama bear side when someone crosses people I care about. And I do get angry about shit and use the word cunt from time to time in private when the situation calls for it.

GOD THAT FEELS GOOD TO WRITE.
I’m coming out, ya’ll.

Because I remember now what it feels like to own that anger. To feel into all of it - instead of trying to repress any part of how I feel and expressing that.

Am I going to send any of that to that fitness influencer woman? No, I feel expressing how I feel here is enough - because it was never about her - it was about me feeling into all of me. It was about me sharing with YOU.. my amazing audience..

… that it’s okay to feel all of your feelings. Even the ones people have told you are bad.

Don’t suppress who you are.
Any part of who you are. 
OWN IT. Because it’s what makes you unique.. different.. amazing. A multi-dimensional human.

And not a robot coaching unicorn pooping rainbows.
Saying and acting as a good pretty little online coach should.

SO WHAT ARE YOU ANGRY ABOUT?!!
FUCKING FEEL ANGRY.

ARE THERE ANY WORDS YOU’VE LEFT UNSAID?!?!
TO PEOPLE WHO DEFINITELY NEED THOSE WORDS.

ARE THERE ANY BOUNDARIES THAT KEEP BEING CROSSED?!?!
THAT YOU ARE NO LONGER AVAILABLE FOR?

Own all of who you are.
All of what you feel.
And express the shit out of it

Because you being you, allows other people to feel safe, fully being THEM.

 

Christie Chiou