I LOST MYSELF IN MY BUSINESS.. and How To Connect Back to HEART + PURPOSE
Have you ever had one of those months, where you're just avoiding the fuck out of EVERYTHING?
Yeah, that's been me for the last 2 months. And really I guess, there has always been some degree of avoidance in my life that becoming an entrepreneur has forced me to uncover.
But the thing about being an entrepreneur is that your avoidance will just slap you in the face if you continue to operate that way.
And by slap you in the face, I mean that avoidance of yourself and your soul SHOWS UP IN YOUR BUSINESS. And looks like... you not showing up, doing the lives, writing the content, selling the things. AND.. also can look like, you making shit to sell, writing content, doing lives, all of which fall flat. Feel forced.
BECAUSE YOUR PEOPLE, IF YOU ARE RUNNING A SOUL-BASED BUSINESS, CAN TELL WHEN YOU ARE OUT OF ALIGNMENT. They can FEEL that there's something off with you.
SO PERHAPS THE ANSWER, WOULD BE TO LOOK AT WHAT YOU'RE AVOIDING.
This is what I've been taking this first week of September to focus on.
Letting go of the need for "doing" and "constant selling" in order to feel like enough, and PAUSING. Taking time to connect back to my heart, and my inner guidance, guidance which has been covered up by my avoidance.
So... that's what I did. Sat down with my journal, which I'd been avoiding, and asked myself:
WHAT AM I AFRAID OF? WHAT AM I AVOIDING?
Well for me..
I'm afraid of doing things my own way.
I'm afraid of being on my own without being part of a Mastermind/having a business mentor.
I'm afraid of listening to my inner guidance, the voice that has led me to where I am, because I know that it will lead me to where I want to go. And I still have remnants of self-worth issues that make me feel sometimes that maybe, I'm not deserving or worthy.
I'm afraid of myself, sabotaging myself.
LOL. Essentially.. afraid of going within and trusting the guidance that came out of there. Afraid on letting my focus in my business not be money (for once)... afraid of letting it be what I know it needs to be...
My business started with a 20 person Facebook group - where I individually connected with everyone. I treated the group like my home and my heart. Helping others came first, and God gave me the faith and trust that I needed to know that serving others in this way and providing the space for their transformation, would be the very thing I needed to do in order to grow my business.
I TRUSTED HIM.
And so, I connected.
And as so often happens when people get themselves deep in this online entrepreneurial world, I became so hungry for success, for more, for the money, for launching new things all the time, for showing off.
AND I FORGOT ABOUT THE CONNECTION.
To myself, my heart, and my inner guidance.
To GOD, who gave me all of this in the first place. Who continues to be here for me to guide me and give me the next steps, and asks me to trust that the path is already laid out.
TO YOU GUYS. My home. My women. You are what made my business possible. What helped me grow it. Serving you did that for me. The real raw connection we have by being a collective of humans going through the ups and downs and crazy shit that this entrepreneurial journey really consists of.
SO... after looking at all that I'm afraid of. And really bringing myself back to my heart and my purpose, and after getting that very clear guidance that CONNECTION needs to be my focus..
I asked my higher self: "So what would you have me do next?"
For me, that looked like leaving a Mastermind I had been part of for almost a whole year, this morning. The guidance coming through was very clear on this - on me needing to really take the time to reconnect with myself.
It looked like blowing up my Facebook group and doing a very real livestream on what I've been going through with the avoidance and anxiety lately.
It looks like REALLY leaning into the work I have with my life coach.
REALLY leaning into new friendships I'm growing with some BADASS WOMEN - we are creating a Mastermind for ourselves to get together and support and push each other each week.
It looks like me asking myself HOURLY, what do I need to connect back to heart? To open it up again? To open myself up to my higher self/source/God?
Because it is from that place that everything beautiful in my life has been created. And I'm done avoiding myself. Avoiding my inner guidance that ONLY wants to lead me to success.
AND WITHOUT THAT CONNECTION TO HEART.. to groundedness..
ANYTHING that I would create, would be out of alignment. Would be avoidance.
That connection I have to my soul is what creates the magnetic fucking content and energy that pulls people to me as if by magic. AND I'm SO ready - to let my creator side back out.
Which is why one of my biggest projects for the month, is just allowing myself to create and connect. Restarting my podcast, inviting other badass women and entrepreneurs onto it to connect, to learn from, to spark my mind and for us to give each other and our audiences new ideas.
And I can feel the energy shifting and changing just from looking within at these things and gaining clarity on what it is I was actually afraid of, and REMINDING MYSELF that the only thing I've ever needed to do to live the life I desire, and build the business I love, is to connect back to that heart-centered place of purpose, and helping others, and personal growth.
I know that so many other women out there in this space have gone through, or are going through, similar experiences. Where they're losing sight of heart, and being led completely by their EGO.. when they know that's not who they are.
EGO creates avoidance. We don't want to look within.
"If I just had enough money."
"If I just had more people in my group"
"If I just did THIS kind of launch then I'd reach my income goal and I'd be okay."
BUT ITS NEVER ABOUT THAT.
Because what we were craving all along WAS the connection to ourselves, feeling deeply present in who we are, what we're here to do, and the connection to others.
AND YES OF COURSE, FROM THAT PLACE... making the money. I'm all about the money. But I'm NOT all about the money, without the heart. It doesn't feel good. And it's what my ego has been leading me with this past month. It hurts my heart to recognize that, and it's hard to be honest with myself about this, because I do feel shame. I know that's not who I am.
So... here's my heart, cracked open.
For myself, to let this feeling of shame go, for falling so far away from my soul and heart.
For you, who might be going through the same thing where fear, anxiety, and avoidance is leading you farther away from connection and purpose in your business and life.
Let us, TOGETHER, be honest with ourselves.
About who we are.
About what ACTUALLY matters.
About the work we are here to do.
And let's learn to LEAN ON OURSELVES.. to take the time daily to connect back to yourself, and ask for the guidance, AND TO TRUST OURSELVES AND TAKE THE STEP - even if we don't exactly know where that step leads.
The path is already laid out for you.
Connecting back to our hearts.. and asking for the step. Asking ourselves the hard questions, and becoming cognizant and aware of the need to look within, whenever we find ourselves on that high frequency of panic and avoidance.
I honor you for going within, and for making the choice to return back to what was always important to you.
I honor you for looking at the ugly, for recognizing where you've fucked up, and choosing something better.
I honor you for HONORING YOU.. and for choosing to work on yourself and create a business and life of love, of connection, of inspired creation, and of helping others. Because I know YOU know that THIS.. is the actual foundation for your success.
Not the strategies, or the amount of money you make, or the structure, or the mentors you have or don't have.
It's easy to focus on 'building' the right 'foundations' ... and conveniently forgetting that the ACTUAL foundation is our hearts and learning to establish a true connection to it.. and letting that lead you. Building the foundations as needed, but not as a prerequisite for soul.
I love you.
Thank you for following me through all the ups and downs of this entrepreneurial journey. Thank you for allowing me to be me, to share all of the parts of myself.