The Identity Shedding Continues
》𝕋ℍ𝔼 𝕊ℍ𝔼𝔻𝔻𝕀ℕ𝔾 ℂ𝕆ℕ𝕋𝕀ℕ𝕌𝔼𝕊 《
✢ Sorry, I don’t want to work with you. You don’t dream big enough or charge enough.
[Translation: I’m not ready to shed my masculine mask yet, Christie, but my heart knows the truth, so I’ll just blame it on you for now.]
✢ I’m sorry Christie, I so appreciate all the work we’ve done together, but it doesn’t feel right right now.
[Translation: I’m scared and not ready to go there yet, Christie. I need to continue holding onto control through money and external success, rather than internal success. I’m not prepared yet.]
✢ I’m sorry Christie, but your program doesn’t feel safe to me.
[Translation: I cannot let go of my masculine mask yet Christie. I have not fully healed yet and need it a bit longer.]
✢ Are you sure you want to stop working together, Christie? You told me this is your pattern, leaving mentoring relationships.
Translation: You can’t trust yourself, Christie.
I could feel the dull, muted - faraway reaction of my former self, as each of these interactions occurred.
The ‘I want to give you what you want’ me.
The ‘I don’t want to make him disappointed in me,’ me.
The ‘I want you to like me and follow me,’ me.
Only this time, I could feel that dull, muted - faraway version of me..
was not me.
The version of me who would have gotten angry;
tried to explain and rationalize my ‘logic’
replayed the situations over in my head five million times…
she was gone.
There is no need to explain or fight for your internal truth.
[WHICH .. has been probably one of the most exciting gifts my awakening process has brought me lol.]
So I shed.
And I let them all go.
And oddly, I only felt Love.
(Although I could still hear Ego in the back being like - let’s burn their fuckin houses down bitch!’)
Every time, these old versions of me were replaced by ℍ𝔼ℝ.
The one who has been waiting for me all along. The one I didn’t seek out. The one who gives me the guidance.
The one who told me that I needed to get used to such violent reactions to the growing power and intensely radiating femininity that heats up inside me more and more each day.
(And that I especially needed to prepare myself for the reactions of other women who feel but are terrified of their Truth.)
No different than it’s been in past history;
the feminine power.
The one who Knows.
(Cause I sure as hell don’t.)
"𝔹𝕌𝕋 𝔸ℝ𝔼 𝕐𝕆𝕌 𝕊𝕌ℝ𝔼 𝕀 𝕊ℍ𝕆𝕌𝕃𝔻 𝔹𝔼 𝕊ℍ𝔸ℝ𝕀ℕ𝔾 𝕋ℍ𝕀𝕊?"
"𝔹𝕌𝕋 𝕎𝕆ℕ'𝕋 𝕋ℍ𝔼𝕐 𝔾𝔼𝕋 𝕋ℝ𝕀𝔾𝔾𝔼ℝ𝔼𝔻 𝔹𝕐 𝕄𝔼 𝕄𝕆ℝ𝔼 𝕋ℍ𝔸ℕ 𝕋ℍ𝔼𝕐 𝔸𝕃ℝ𝔼𝔸𝔻𝕐 𝔸ℝ𝔼?"
That is the point. On this journey - many won’t agree. Many won’t understand. Many will target you and blame you and shame you.
Because you have gently touched with your presence and your power;
the deepest, most repressed, hidden, and painful part of their truth..
The truth of the true feminine power that resides within each of them;
that they have been taught to shame, avoid, and suppress in themselves and others
So… I’m building toughness of your skin, Christie. You’re going to need it for this path. Many people will try to tell you that you’re wrong and that you can’t trust your truth.
"𝔸𝕃ℝ𝕀𝔾ℍ𝕋. 𝕃𝔼𝕋'𝕊 𝔽𝕌ℂ𝕂𝕀ℕ𝔾 𝔻𝕆 𝕋ℍ𝕀𝕊 𝕊ℍ𝕀𝕋."
And so here I am.
Shedding and releasing and letting go.
But all I feel is secure, loving, contentedness… power.
TRUE feminine power.
Not the ‘extra loud / showy’ power that I used to use to sell my shit online.
I mean hey, it worked for making shit loads of money, back when I truly believed that my external success reflected my internal success.
But my soul .. She, will no longer allow it.
Like, PHYSICALLY, won’t allow my body to do anything against my truth, work with anyone against my soul’s wishes, share any piece of content or fucking word on the internet without it coming from Her.
She also won’t allow me to NOT share my truth.
My soul’s voice.
[Which is why my body has been buzzing all damn day with the need to release Her voice with written word.]
She won’t allow me to sit back and not bring to light;
the presence of the masculine mask that I see so many women in this online entrepreneur niche wearing and tightly clutching like their lives depended on it.
Because I suppose - they think that it does.
I certainly did when I wore it.
𝕋ℍ𝔼 𝔹𝔼𝔾𝕀ℕℕ𝕀ℕ𝔾 𝕆𝔽 𝕐𝕆𝕌ℝ 𝔸𝕎𝔸𝕂𝔼ℕ𝕀ℕ𝔾 𝔻𝕆𝔼𝕊 ℕ𝕆𝕋 𝕊𝕋𝔸ℝ𝕋 𝕀ℕ 𝕐𝕆𝕌ℝ 𝕄𝕀ℕ𝔻. 𝕀𝕋 𝕊𝕋𝔸ℝ𝕋𝕊 𝕀ℕ 𝕐𝕆𝕌ℝ 𝔹𝕆𝔻𝕐 𝔸𝕊 𝕋ℍ𝔼 𝔽𝔼𝔼𝕃𝕀ℕ𝔾 𝕆𝔽 𝔸ℕ 𝕌ℕ𝔻𝔼ℕ𝕀𝔸𝔹𝕃𝔼 𝕋ℝ𝕌𝕋ℍ.
Only then does the mask begin to crumble away..
(or do you even realize you’re wearing one in the first place)
and does the true work begin.
because the work is never done;
it will never not be messy;
it will never not be fucking painful at times;
it will never not include heartbreak;
and grieving of the person and identity you used to inhabit;
and it will certainly never fucking look like you’ve ‘got that soul stuff taken care of..’
and it certainly will never look like slapping the word soul on a program and pretending that you can sell spiritual enlightenment as a means to make more money online to be safe.
Going down this path is precarious;
there are rocks and tumbling tractor sized boulders that wanna take you the fuck out;
there are people who want to push you off the path because they don’t want to admit that they’re not walking on it;
but you keep